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Timothy Williams's avatar

My mother started me on Prozac as a teenager. I transitioned to Zoloft due to side effects and kept a diary in college. The contents are incredibly difficult to read and appear to me now, even though they are in my own handwriting, as if they were written by another person.

The manic, narcissistic and solipsistic themes in the diary closely parallel and prefigure Eliott Rodger's manifesto (like him, I also attended UCSB, several years before his rampage). It included suicidal and homicidal ideations that I rejected at the time only for being impractical. It was as though I had no sense of the personhood of other people and there are many episodes in the diary illustrating that I was completely unable to fathom other people's perfectly normal reactions to my antisocial behavior.

Halfway through the diary, I stopped taking Zoloft cold turkey, aware that it was deranging my thoughts. The narcissism and solipsism vanished, replaced by self-aware humility. I never took antidepressants again. I graduated, got a job, got married and had three normal, healthy children.

I largely forgot about that period in my life until I discovered the diary 25 years later while moving. I nearly destroyed it, but forced myself to read through it, and now I have a deeper grasp of how evil and dangerous these pharmaceuticals can be. I will never let my children take these dangerous poisons and I will use my own story as a cautionary tale if I have to.

The takeaway I want to share with you is that a great deal of the solipsistic and narcissistic behavior we witness in the world today may entirely be an artifact of antidepressants.

When we who don't use drugs are walking around in public, we assume that people are normal, but it's plausible that 80% or more are either acutely high or coming down from some kind of psychotropic substance. Once we start seeing the world this way, everything from culture to economics to politics starts making a lot more sense.

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Randy's avatar

Guns don’t kill people. People on Prozac kill people.

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